and here she is. isn't she a beaut? this little douglas fur-- let's call her "doug"-- was a pain in the tookas from the beginning. i purchased "doug" at my local home depot (insert lesbian joke here) on a saturday and then left town for three days. when i returned, not only had she been completely lazy (and didn't decorate herself), she also turned into a complete slob (leaving needles all over my white carpet). after only 5 days i already had needles on my carpet. great.
anyway, as is tradition in the collins family, the christmas tree stayed up until after the coming of the new year, falling needles and all. so once i returned from a lovely holiday with the mom and the dad, i prepped "doug" to meet her maker. atlanta has a wonderful program every year called "bring one for the chipper" and i was totally stoked about participating in a city wide green initiative. i googled the program and found site information on the city government website and prepped for a date with the chipper on january 8th.
see. these 52 new things are gonna turn out to be super easy. well, other than the clean-up. see picture to the right. and on a side note, nice tookas shot, madison. very lady-like.
on the morning of the 8th, i decided to double check the location and times for the recycling extravaganza. only this time i googled "bring one for the the chipper" and lo and behold, what did i discover? the event was not on tuesday, it was scheduled for saturday. the 5th. as in three days before the 8th. awesome. another plan thwarted. undeterred, i visited the sponsor page for the event, keep georgia beautiful. i emailed the contact for "bring one for the chipper", kim portmess and relayed my story. i am new to the city. i trusted the government. i don't want to hurt the earth by sending my recyclable she-tree to the landfill. any ideas? fully expecting to get the ol' fists double beat ala friends, i was surprised to receive a prompt response from kim. she's new to the city, too. she made the mistake of trusting the atlanta government website once, too. and i could take "doug" to the home depot where a few trees from saturday's event were still waiting to be mulched. awesome. thanks kim!
i wish i could do a flip book of pictures showing the sheer hilarity of the process of trying to get that tree in my car and to the home depot on my own. truly one of the funniest and frustrating things in my life. until google invents that application, this picture will have to do.
i decided to take the tookas exhibitionist with me as protection from the day laborers hanging out in the parking lot at the hd. once we arrived at the hd parking lot, i realized that kim had fibbed a little. if what i encountered there was "a few trees" left over from saturday's event, i'm truly glad i missed the actual day. there must have been 800 christmas trees just hanging out in the middle of the blacktop in front of the old hd. the unemployed immigrants and homeless looking for work ended up being the least of my worries as i struggled in my dress pants and sweater to get "doug" out of the back of car and on top of the pile of he-trees and she-trees. but i accomplished it. and "doug" found a second purpose, as mulch for some one's landscaping.
after the "recycling" went off without a hitch, i thought i was home free. wrong again, little lady. unfortunately we suffered an improbable loss. during the minuscule two hours madison was left to her own devices in the car as i finished up my work day, an unspeakable event happened and a hard decision had to be made. madison managed to lodge her lovely lupine leash between the passenger seat and the middle console and in a desperate act, she chose to free herself, chewing the leash in half. we mourn the loss of this fair friend, a companion since our lives began together. farewell fair leash. you will be missed. especially by the roo.